It has been a very long time since I have written on here. For a while I was blaming that on competition stress – being in prep for a comp can be quite tiring, and so I avoided writing on here during that (using it as an excuse if I’m being really honest). Since then, I’ve noticed I’m almost reluctant to write – finding excuses that I don’t have anything to write about, or am too busy with work. Actually what was really happening is I was getting stuck – it’s taken a while to realise and even longer to admit – I’ve been fed up, feeling stuck and this has meant I haven’t really been quite myself for some time.
We all have these periods – usually following some big achievement or goal – where we just get a bit ‘comfortable’ and lose any momentum. For me, this has really been for a few months. Firstly I achieved the promotion I had been working towards for quite some time, and then I went through competition. Both of these were big goals so having done them and now on the other side, I’m left a little lost. I’ve been carrying on as normal, feeling fine, but actually I haven’t been, and it’s taken people outside of me to comment and make me really take notice.
I have always been someone who loves to have goals; I’m hugely ambitious (sometimes a bit too much), so when I finish these, I can get a little down. This is a pretty normal feeling, and I’m sure one we’ve all had, but when this happens I get frustrated. I settle into my routine and can even begin to withdraw a bit. All of these can escalate; as anyone who has been here knows, once you becomes bit too comfortable and too much in a routine, it can really affect your mental health, leaving you feeling lost and even down and anxious.
I hadn’t really wanted to admit it to myself as we live in a world filled with social media and a pressure to be living a great life, all the time. Well you know what, sometimes this just isn’t the case! Life isn’t Instagram-worthy a lot of the time (in fact most of the time if we’re being honest!).
Luckily I’ve accepted it and am now doing things about it. I’m moving out of London imminently which I am so excited for; whenever I get like this I need a change in my surroundings and I get straight back on track. I’ve set new goals, changed up my training, and am making sure I plan things with friends. Life is about enjoying it. Routines, stress, and even training can mean sometimes we are so focused on getting through it all that we forget to just take a breath and enjoy it.
Not only am I making a change, I’ve also committed myself to writing a lot more on here. I love writing and despite that nagging feeling that I’m ‘not good enough / qualified enough / interesting enough’ to blog, I will continue regardless, even if it’s only for me.
To no longer being stuck in a rut!